Christmas.

I got an iPod touch for Christmas.
it's amazing and I am so in love.
i'm actually writing this blog on it.
I might just love it more than I love michael.
hahaha just kidding :]] this is pretty
spectacular though. urban dictionary is
my favorite part of it I think. <3

<3

i'm not allowed to post this anywhere else,
michael's orders. haha. well, not orders.
he'd just prefer it not go on my myspace =]

rain, rain go away.

so i've spent the morning crying waiting for the rain to stop.
i only hope that my good luck holds long enough for me to
shower and get ready and for my mom to get home so we can
hit the road to go see michael grothe. who is the best
boyfriend imaginable. i'm so excited for how everything is going.

lfkhdslkhf.

i really only ever sign on here to read trisha's blog nowadays.
haha i feel bad, i was so excited to start a blog, but i never write
in it anymore. i just don't have much to talk about.

michael and i went on a date today.
we went to the movies =] and then
walked around this little shopping
center. it was so fun. i'm really, really
happy that he's my boyfriend.

michael christoper grothe.

okay so in case you hadn't heard,
i got to see my boyfriend on saturday =]

but before that, there was huge drama
with my mother telling me he couldn't come over
because my dad's best friend was in town
from arizona and lots of arguing but
finally she agreed to let him come over from 130 until 5.

so he talked to his mom and she said she'd drive him.
he came over and we played scrabble for a while.
and then we walked and met emily halfway so she could meet him.

when we were walking back, we were like halfway to my
house and i turned around and i said "i really want to kiss
you, you know." and he said "but i don't know how!"

so i just kissed him.

and it was super adorable but kind of embarrassing
because i almost fell because i was on my tiptoes.
but it was okay because we both kind of laughed.

and then the next few times we kissed he was
on the street and i was on the curb haha.

we finished walking back to my
house. and we finished our game that
we left when we went to go meet emily and
i won but only because he let me cheat =]

and then we took a few pictures [he HATES pictures,
i'm so surprised he let me] and then his
mom came and he had to leave =[

i really hope no one reads this.
i think i'll make it private haha.

blah.

i've become so lax about writing in this.
but there's nothing really to say at this juncture.
i'm happy =] i really usually only write/type
when i'm upset so i don't know what to say now.

michael's adorable =]

i have a boyfriend.

my current favorite sentence haha.
michael christopher grothe <3

i'm happy.

hahaha i love melinda ngo.
again. it feels so good to talk to her again.
like really TALK. not just filling
silent space in class time. like talking.

we're having a deep conversation.
and as i'm unleashing all my wisdom upon her,
i'm realizing how true it all is.

but like we've been learning in mock trial,
truth has like 3947203 different sides.
and little factors can change everything.

sigh...

i miss michael. how lame am i? we aren't even together! but that's okay =] he's at legoland today with his little brother. david [his little brother] turned 10 today. yay for double digits!

so i'm addicted to solitaire. every time i'm on the computer i have to play it. there's a problem there! i know it's not a HORRIBLE addiction, but it's an addiction nonetheless. i should find something more active to do.

i haven't written in this in foreverrrrrrrrrr. i don't even feel like being super personal on this thing anymore. i'm starting to realize that people like READ it, so now i'm scared too put anything too incriminating. i think i'll take the link off my myspace. at least most of the more personal entries are in the way beginning of this.

sorry for being cheesy.

life is good.

see above.

i haven't blogged in a while.
oh well, i've been too crazy busy!
there's so much going on that's bad,
but at the same time,
there is a lot going on that's good.

i'm so happy to be at a place
where i'm not constantly
upset or sad. i still have my moments,
but i'm way more content with
where i am than i was a while ago.

oh michael likes me too, in case you were wondering =]

i hate writing titles.

i'm still miserable about katherine leaving.
but we're going to make the next two weeks
crackin', for sure. i'm still sad though =[

today was kind of a bum day.
we didn't do much in any of my classes.
and it RAINED in the morning.

i got new rainbows today.
but they aren't the color i want.
oh well, i didn't want to wait.

patience is not my forte.

today.

was probably one of the worst days
in the past few months.
katherine's leaving downey umc.
i've cried so much today, it just sucks.

she's one of those few people i trust explicitly.
i've never really been let down by her and
i tell her EVERYTHING. she gives me the best
advice with any problems i have. and the
best part about that is she gives her advice out
of love for me and she really means it.
she's been there for me for so much and i can't
believe she's not going to be a ten minute drive
away anymore. it's so lame and unfair.

I HATE GLENDALE.

ehh.

halloween is so not my favorite.
i hope michael finishes his SAT two soon.
i'm bored and have no one to text.

this morning was okay, we had a paper drive.
i couldn't do much because my back still hurts,
but i did help. and then i waited at the church for
katherine to come and when she did come i watched
wendy for a little while. we had a bagel together haha =]

ah, how long does an SAT takeee?

ehh.

halloween is so not my favorite.
i hope michael finishes his SAT two soon.
i'm bored and have no one to text.

this morning was okay, we had a paper drive.
i couldn't do much because my back still hurts,
but i did help. and then i waited at the church for
katherine to come and when she did come i watched
wendy for a little while. we had a bagel together haha =]

ah, how long does an SAT takeee?

LAME

i got rear-ended by a MOTORCYCLE.
who does that?!!! he's fine. my dad&i are fine.
but i was driving and it was super scary.
and it was a hit and run. he CRACKED my
bumper, then sped off. what the heck.

soo, yeah.

i'm pretty much diggin' michael grothe.
he's hilarious, but not in an obvious way.
he's a witty kid =] and he entertains me all day.
and listens to me whine about chemistry. daily.

today was a good day.
i fed brandon breakfast =]
then first period was kind of lame.
but oh well it always is.
second was okay, but we had a sub.
third wasn't HORRIBLE. i actually understood falk today.
fourth, ms. swieck kept yelling at me for talking haha.
fifth was soooo easy. we didn't do anything.
sixth was fun but it always is. i love mock trial =]

homecoming.

was soooo much fun.
i'm glad i went =]
my best friend is better than yours!

haha so it was crazy fun and i'm really sore
from dancing the whole time.
i think we sat out like 4 songs.
MAYBE.

grey's night.

always the best night of my week =]
except my sandals got eaten =[
that sucked. but i don't mind haha.
i still had fun. and it was awesome because
i got there and i was thinking to myself,
"man, i'm like ridiculously hungry."
and i walk in, and there's food! massive amounts!
needless to say, i chowed down. haha.

so i'm excited for this weekend.
homecoming game tomorrow.
and hsm3 with kacie and kailey =]
and then HOMECOMINGGGG on saturday
i'm so excited. it shall be glorious.

hoy.

mama and jess picked me up early by surprise
and we went to the pumpkin patch with brando.
he's so freaking adorable. i offered to trade jessica
my phone for him but she didn't go for it. haha.

i hate homework.
i may or may not write more later.

soo,

i like being in journalism.
too bad i suck at writing more
than 100 words hahaha.

wish me luck!

i miss michael grothe.
he's upset i talk about him behind his back.
ahah =]

yay!

i feel so much better =]
today was awesome.
youth was fun, i love them.
and afterwards i got to see emily!
and her boyfriend was there so i
finally met anthony. i definitely approve.

ahhaha i love emily.
but yeah, i don't know why i was
all weird yesterday. it was just a
bad day but whatever.
i must be bipolar haha.

i feel so weird.

i feel kind of like i'm the kid everyone
thought was funny for a while,
but now the novelty has worn off.

it definitely sucks. things have been
weird with my best friends at school,
and i can't figure out why.
change is not my friend.

i'm getting closer to people i never expected.
it's nice but at the same time it's intimidating,
because they are way older than me,
but i get along with them sooo much better.

i can't wait to graduate. i'm so over everything that has to
do with SCHOOL. it's dumb and i don't like it.

ms. swieck is sure to be mad at me.
i didn't take the psat. oh well.
test-taking has always been easy for me
so i am not super worried. i will just study
before i take the real SATs.

i miss charles. haven't talked to him since this morning.
hahaha my little freshman. i hope he did well on his psat.

less than two weeks to write a letter to an author
and read moby dick, aka the most boring book ever.




pray for me. i feel lost =[

ugh.

boys are stupid.
the end.

ahhh.

not going to nicole's party tonight.
i am going to text her later.

i love mornings.
i wish all day was like the morning.

football game.

went with jamie and it was super fun.
i'm glad she drives now, it was an
adventure =] hahah. we won, 21-0.

i put michael grothe's letter in the mail yesterday.
i really hope he gets it tomorrow and not monday.
we have the best arguments. "do not." do too. "do not."
haha we're mature =]

i have more to say, but my mom wants the computer.
maybe tomorrow if i have time.

i hate being sick.

today sucked. it was hot and i am still sick.

michael won't give me his address so i can't
mail him the coolest letter/drawing ever.
oh well, his loss. he thinks that the us postal
service is archaic and outdated but i think
it's fun and not used enough. so now we are
stuck in a kind of limbo.

i bet i win.
i'm 32947302947 times more stubborn than him.

sooo.

i found my soul mate.
he just doesn't know.
but i've told a few people.

still sick.

yep. the title says it all.
i went to zero aka the worst class ever.
dealt with psycho lady for nothing.
i ended up going home before first period.
laaaaaame.

i'm excited for homecoming though.
it will be glorious.

today.

was lame. i couldn't hold brandon
alllll day because i'm sick and he
was extra cute today. what a
BUMMER.

but i text michael almost all day, so that was
nice. he is so ridiculously smart and lazy.
haha. and who the heck takes latin?
that's so legit. like seriously.

so i totally hate being sick.
i've been miserable for more than 24 hours.
grr. hopefully i feel better tomorrow.

blah.

today was better than yesterday.
but now i'm sick, so THAT sucks.
i don't know if i am going to school
mañana. i hope not.
that would certainly suck.

DODGERS WON TONIGHT!!!

what a bust.

i hope like alicia or anyone from the church does not read this.
but i'm miserable. this weekend really was not fun.
like the speakers and the music were amazing.
like don't get me wrong, i love alicia and her house was
fun but just like overall, i don't know.

i keep crying and i don't even know why.
well, i kind of know why. i'm still hurt by not
being put on plt, i feel like what i do isn't
as important and i don't even feel as comfortable
in my own church as i used to. i don't even
want to go anymore. it's not worth being
upset every single week when i get home.

i don't really like someone i used to be really close to
and it kills me and i don't want to be mean but it's
so hard not to be. like this person just grates on my
nerves a lot of the time and i can't take it because
i am not myself around them and i can't handle it.

i don't know. i am just miserable and i keep waiting
for God to fix it and i feel like it's never going to get
better with the whole situation.

and i really want to hang out with michael grothe.

ecclesiastes 4:9-12

It's better to have a partner than go it alone.
Share the work, share the wealth.
And if one falls down, the other helps,
But if there's no one to help, tough!

Two in a bed warm each other.
Alone, you shiver all night.

By yourself you're unprotected.
With a friend you can face the worst.
Can you round up a third?
A three-stranded rope isn't easily snapped.


let's live this verse out.

discipleship 101.

so easy to get lost in that class.
i don't know if i am going to go on to 201.
i probably will just because i do want to be a leader
in the church and such but this is really testing me.

luckily, there is only one more class.
and then i can make my decision.
i guess for now i will just pray on it.

verse for tonight:
God's various gifts are handed out everywhere; but they all originate in God's spirit. God's various ministries are carried out everywhere; but they all originate in God's spirit. God's various expressions of power are in action everywhere; but God himself is behind it all. Each person is given something to do that shows who God is: everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits.
- 01 corinthians 4-7ish.
[the message goes by paragraphs so i have to guess where the part i really, really like ends.]

johnny and june.

such a cute song =]

so who wants to hear about my day?!
well, it was really not that exciting haha.
spanish sucked, i can't stand that teacher.
pe was lame, i got my rainbows wet =[
journalism was super fun, i love that class.
i have a title now! i'm publicity. haha.
chemistry wasn't super horrible.
ceci and i talked about boys which was fun.
i happen to think one certain boy that brings
nail clippers to school with him is cute.
english was okay, i never pay attention in that class.
history was super boring but hollie&melinda make it worth it.
mock trial was really good today, we actually
did work and i felt very accomplished.

i got to drive home! that was exciting.
well, drive to home and then grandma's.
i cleaned house for her today so now her
casa is super clean and sparkly =]

today is my discipleship class, which i absolutely love.
then i'm staying to help alicia plan laity sunday.

and throughout all of this, i love charlie!
ahahaha, he's the only one who reads this =]

nephew.

brando took three steps today, towards me!
i'm so excited. can't wait for him to be walking walking.
he and i shall go on adventures =]

whew.

i am so glad i went to jujitsu.
that class can always make me feel better.
i don't even do anything except socialize
and do my homework but i really love it.

my day totally went up like 409574 points.
(haha i base everything on a point system,
charlie knows this quite well =])

sucky day.

the title says it all. today was HORRIBLE.
well, okay it wasn't horrible, but it was lame.
nothing like drastic happened, it was just a bad day.
and now i have to go do chemistry homework.

you know what, it sucks how someone who you
don't have feelings for anymore can just ruin
a perfectly good week, ya dig? like, if kory hadn't
messaged me, i would probably be in a good mood.
but now i'm irritated and upset and it's not even
because i like him, it's actually quite the opposite.
all i've heard since we broke up were stories about him
smoking and trying to get into other girl's pants.
now this "sensitive, good guy" kory is trying to make amends?
FUCK THAT. i don't need you. i don't need you to apologize to
make myself feel better. i've been just fine for four months now.

i love my friends. emily is the best friend i could ask for.
she deals with all my weird crap and doesn't even get mad.
she knows who is good for me and who isn't and she's straight up
about telling me. who does that? no one else, that's for sure.
most people just let me make my own mistakes and then
say "oh sorry to hear that" when i get hurt, but no, emily makes
and effort to protect me and i love her for that.

i've decided to marry charles grant for the simple fact that he can
make my day, any day. oh and he introduced me to this wonderful
website that i love so very dearly =] haha. i love my charlie!

this is a really long post, so i think i am going to end it soon.
i'm done ranting and raving about the injustices of ex-boyfriends.

ATTENTION.

once it's over,
leave it over.

exes should learn to
LEAVE ME ALONE.

i love this.

this website makes me happy.
i can post a million things a day.
and i plan to =] ahahah.

it's so much easier than changing my myspace about me every five minutes. which i'm prone to do. well, i posted a link to this thing on my myspace so maybe other people will read it? i don't know. i'm going to wait until someone says something, then take the link down haha.

so today was a good day i guess. well it was pretty 50-50. haha frank doesn't like me, oh well. i think i'll live =] man, i'm such a bad person. next topic. i had taco bell for dinnner. it was delicious but they forgot my cheese roll-up. life is full of disappointments. hahaha. i went to that susie's deals place by the bank today. i was surprised, it is pretty legit, high key. i got a sweater, and a cute tank top thing, and a few camis. very exciting. haha.

man, i do NOT want to do my chemistry homework. that is the WORST class ever.

i'm terrible.

i am so freaking wishy-washy.
why can't i just be patient,
and wait for someone to sweep me off
my feet, instead of have a crush on
every guy i know. it's not productive.

ahahaha oh well, like i care.
well i do care. but not enough
to make any serious change.
life's more fun my way haha.

juuuuust kidding. so i'm glad
charles is the only person who reads these.
otherwise i would have to be careful
about what i write but as it,
i don't care. i trust him =]

ahh.

what to do, what to do.
i hate being so all over the place.
it's so hard to be a teenager.
laugh if you want, but i am not a fan.

today was okay so far.
i'm excited for the game tonight.
kind of nervous too though.
i haven't seen frank in a loooong time.

i copied charlie =]

so i saw that my little charles who happens to be ridiculously tall has a blogspot and decided i wanted one. i suck at writing in these but i love writing, so we'll see how this goes =] haha. chemistry is the worst class ever. and mr. falk looks like jerry seinfeld. i want to see his big, black boyfriend someday.

i am a terrible person, i lied today.
but it was for a good reason,
i'm protecting my heart,
just like God wants me to.

above all else,
guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring
of life. - Proverbs 4:23